your prolly right... your gone.

we cant risk to try. cant risk getting hurt again. because things have already changed. you tried moving on before and its only going to happen again, just like your giving up. apparently because you want something and/or better then what we had/ or me.. ? thanks for everything.

i was upset before.. but im not mad anymore. its just you trying to find your own thing and fine. i get it. i have no one to blame.. cause lord knows i blamed both of us.and if it makes you feel any better, i blamed mostly me. but im sry for that. im not asking you see things through my eyes anymore.. im not going to try and make you love me back. im not going to tell or ask you to stay because it already looks like we know whats going to happen.

whatever we tried to give to make this work, i guess it wasnt enough. anyways. im out now.

[[Feb  7,2007]] 12:47pm

lately.. its like im just face to face with my past.. i constantly think of the things i did wrong with my ex.. and im trying to figure out why i do what i do. i feel like such a different person lately... but most of all.. im trying hard as hell not to feel a thing. ive actually gotten to the point where im trying to make myself believe that love isnt real.. we thought it was at some point, but what happened then? [true]love has such a different meaning to me now. its like.. if it wasnt love.. what was it? whyd we end up hanging on for so long, just to fall in the end?
hell, love is a mystery to me. but isnt it to all?
i believe.. that your heart chooses only what it wants to hear. . like you can have all these clues right infront of your eyes that you arent going to work.. though you try to turn away and make it different. but can you?
its funny when i think about how i felt.. and i hate even mentioning it because now, its always like it never matters. but i wouldve done anything i could for that kid. i really wouldve.. and i guess when you give it your all.. there IS going to be that point somewhere down that line when you have nothing else to give them.. therefore, they move on. but then after all that.. all you been through.. all you gave.. your holding your broken heart and wondering, where do i go from here? next thing you know, your sitting alone holding the teddy bear he gave you, and using it to catch your tears and asking it so many questions.. so many questions that you find it useless and disappointing because never will you get them answers. you can ask god why he didnt make an unbreakable heart and youll get silence... sometimes you might even feel alone in your own world because its just you now that your facing.
i dont know.. i admit im trying to talk to this guy.. but its not the same. and plus, im so scared to be givin up on to end up again, where i once was. but i doubt its going to happen anyways. i just.. dont know.
i think its better i just live... and forget.. but instead.. ive rather forget but remember?.. and not feel at all, and live. but it doesnt work because in order to get over something you have to face the feeling and then you can live. but maybe i choose to keep it inside and remember, but feel numb to it. because i dont want to live without......
got to go i guess.. bye.

Frenchie

sry amber, but your life ended jan.15.2007.

me and zach broke up officially.

so time to wake up and face tha reality i know, but honestly. hurts to much to face it.

Good Times :] gotta luv'em♥ amber♥Frenchie